Having Dating App Fatigue? You're not alone.

You know how this goes. You set up a profile that you think best represents you as a human; as though we can all be summed up to a few photos and a couple lines of text. Then you start swiping. Eventually you’re met with a pool of possibilities. Maybe it’s a kiddie pool, maybe it’s a regulation 50 meter Olympian pool. Regardless, this is exciting. I mean, sure, the likelihood of one of these ones being THE one isn’t terribly probable. Nevertheless, you’re shooting your shot.

You send out message after message with few or zero replies. All the positive reinforcement from getting matches is dwindling. Why would they swipe right if they don’t want to talk? It's all the prospect of dating instead of actually the dating itself. It’s connecting without the connection. But you're just a face in the ether among a sea of other faces. So you can't just say "Hey." You need to stand out. Instead of a generic introduction, you put a lot of work into your initial messages. You add wit, character. You even personalize it in response to the information in their bio because you have also watched every season of The Office 3 times. You do your best hoping it’s worth it. Hoping it’s not a waste of time.

Unfortunately, it's not worth it most of the time. You look up from your phone and realize it’s been an hour of swiping and messaging. And you’re still at square one with the optimism of “what if” escaping you. What's worse is you have confirmation that these people wanted to receive your messages to only be disinterested or distracted after the match. It's maddening. You haven’t actually been rejected. No one’s been mean or discouraging toward you. And yet, you feel worse than you did before. Not only have you been reduced to just another card in the deck. You’ve also been discarded before you even had a chance to be in the game!

I’m here to tell you IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY! Here’s the thing; too many people treat dating apps like their competing on the Bachelorette. The truth is that all you have to do is come up with a few good greetings and then copy and paste away. You’ve now spent a fraction of the time and energy you would have otherwise. The best part is that you are just as likely to get a response. I’m not talking about cheesy pickup lines. Be unique. Because when one of your matches goes to check her messages and sees a list of "Hey, how are you?"s her eyes are going to be drawn to the “Would you believe me if I told you…”

One thing I cannot stress enough is that you are not looking to connect with any person. You’re looking for YOUR person. Make it specific to you. I have a friend who’s an entomologist and they send their matches their favorite bug facts. It’s wholesome, interesting, and it works! So have fun with it.

Don't give up. Because some day the right person will notice you. They will respond to you. And it will all have been worth it. 

xoxo Danica